4 days

In 4 short days my life is going to change all over again.  My dad is getting out a prison on Monday.  Recently a lot of people have been asking me how I feel about this.  I tell them that I don’t really know.  On one hand I want to celebrate him coming back into the world.  But then I think about what a crazy idea that is.  “Oh hey dad, congrats on getting out of prison.”  That just doesn’t even sound right.  On the other hand I’m terrified.  I cannot predict what the future is going to hold for him.  I have never really handled change well, so this is just another one of those times.  I am terrified that he is going to re-offend, and continue to put his selfish wants above his three children.  I believe that every child should have loving parents, and be a number one priority.  I hope that my dad has learned something in these last four years, and that he can be a better father.  I want to be able to trust that he is going to do this but he doesn’t exactly have a stellar record of doing what he says he’s going to do.  I have been waiting for him to get out for 3 and a half years, and now the day is right here.  I thought that I would be overjoyed, but frankly I don’t feel that way.  I’m not exactly sure how to even handle this.  These next few weeks are going to be full of change.  I just have to take it one day at a time, and believe that everything will work out somehow.  As for my dad, I’m not going to give up on him.  Regardless of the decisions he has made, he is still my dad.  And I only get one dad.  Hopefully he will be the best one he can.